Why do so many people stay with people who love them in some, but not every respect (sorry for the rant)?

I've come across quite a few girls recently who are in relationships with guys who are very obviously not giving them everything they deserve on an emotional level and I know it's the same for some guys too.





I have an idea of why this might be and if any of you fit the criteria as either partner in these relationships then your opinions would be useful.





Basically, the way I see it is that we're all built to need love on a number of different levels. So while you may not consciously run down a list, you're most in love and emotionally secure when you're being loved in every way. But generally people are loved in a few ways first before they fall in love in the other ways. So maybe these guys treat you with love physically or in a friendly way in most circumstances initially and this makes you feel attached but then when he fails to commit on the other aspects of your relationship, you already feel too involved to break it off without causing a lot of pain. You might even care so much about him that you wish to protect him above and beyond your own self.





But this is awful because I've also seen the end result of a relationship where people have stayed with someone who isn't giving them everything and they are so stressed out and they just become a shadow of themselves with no light to them. It's tragic because they were so beautiful and vibrant in the first place and if someone had truly cared for them in every way instead of trapping them with a little and denying them the rest, they'd have continued to be that person as they matured. Now they just fade and give up entirely or do what they should have done in the first place and leave - except now they've spent decades of strife, brought up kids in a less than happy environment and missed out on many of the joys of life. It's not the end of the world and it's better than wasting any more time but it's certainly sad to think that they could have avoided it if they'd given themselves their due.





Generally they've spent years enduring childish tantrums and unnecessary fights and stress and it saps their energy and ages them. I just hope that anyone in this situation will either give their ';lover'; a chance to prove themselves worthy of them by loving entirely or ditch them for their own sake.





At least act in some way to change your scenario because you only get one shot at this life so why endure more pain than is necessary because someone else is immature? You'd be better off never being with anyone and just hanging out with friends than enduring a negative relationship, loving someone who won't/can't/doesn't know how to love you back! Eventually your love will be killed off and it might be too late for you to ever trust someone else with your heart!











I don't know if I'm right or wrong about this but it makes me sad because I know what it is to love someone completely and no one deserves any less! They might look at you and love you and they might make love to you and in these moments you feel loved but if that doesn't translate into you feeling loved in other ways then they're failing to give you what you deserve. If they can't treat you with love and respect at all times (even when disagreeing) then they're not loving you fully. I consider it an immature sort of infantile love where they're selfish so they can love you but that isn't their prime motivator. Rather, their needs are placed first and the second you make them have to put any effort into understanding you or helping you or anything else that (in their ignorance) they don't perceive any personal gain from, they just lose their head and fire abuse rather than love at you. And you, being a mature, loving person who has learned the wonders of unconditional love as you grew from your infantile state, just can't understand where it's coming from.





A real lover will love you for ALL of who you are, even the things that they don't agree with or see as pointless even initially irritating! All of these things are part of you and unless actually harmful or dangerous etc. (Such as not loving enough!), a real lover won't try to change them or even complain about them. Instead, they'll eventually see them as just another endearing trait that makes up the whole package of you! And they love you!





Making love isn't just confined to a sexual act, though that's very important too. Making love is in every act and encounter with a loved one. It's being their to comfort her and express your love and respect in every way. It encompasses caring for the girl (or guy) you love ESPECIALLY when it's inconvenient to do so because that's when you realise just how lucky you are to be in love with someone who makes you feel this way! The last thing you'd want to do is manipulate or change who she is.





Being with someone isn't the complete assimilation of two people into one. It's a partnership between two INDIVIDUALS. You want to see them following their own path in life and celeWhy do so many people stay with people who love them in some, but not every respect (sorry for the rant)?
sigh...





Anyway, no guy ever starts out by saying, ';Hi, I'm an asshole, want to go out?'; They usually start off very sweet, telling us what they think or know we want to hear.





I do not regret my bad relationships. They have gotten me closer to knowing what I really do want, and I don't plan on settling for less than that.Why do so many people stay with people who love them in some, but not every respect (sorry for the rant)?
You are a mature person and see how immaturity screws up relationships. (congratulations, and you sound like a wonderful partner) However, I don't believe we can be loved for every single thing about ourselves. That's not humanly possible. What's needed is for people to decide on the standards they need in a relationship, and not lower those standards. Frequently, they toss the standards aside or never had any in the first place. Then they retroactively try to mold the person/relationship to fit the standards. And they stay in bad or disappointing situations because they continue to hope for magical changes that aren't going to happen.
Agreed.. However there is an element you failed to mention, probably because it's the female half of the population that is most afflicted.





I'm talking about trying to change someone or ';fix'; someone.. many times women stay in a relationship because they see the potential in their mate to give them what they want, and basically they end up wasting time trying to help their partner reach thier ideal potential. It's hard when you know someone can give you what you need but they won't because of problem X. Could be drug abuse, mental illness, emotional insecurity, or more often than not unresolved traumatic past issues such as molestation or family abuse/domestic violence.





The worst part is men have a tendency to resist healing, and women have a tendency to force healing upon them. It almost never works.. You can't fix someone, you can't make someone better they have to do t on their own. Unfortunately many women remain in relationships because they cannot or will not accept that they can't change someone who doesn't want to change!





So they stay and spend their life n a futile attempt to fix someone who won't admit they are broken..