I feel really sad and lonely. So many things going in my mind...What should I do? [its a long rant, so yeah]?

Ok, here I go....WARNING, I'm about to rant a ton, so if you don't feel like wasting your time reading this, then by all means, don't read it. -_-';


....





Hey guys





I'm just your average Japanese girl in high school....but I am really sad and lonely, maybe depress.





[btw I'm not emo, or suicidal]





There are many reasons why I am a lil sad, lonely and depress. I don't go around telling people I'm depress, but I look like I am sometimes. I don't do it on purpose, and I'm not an attention seeker. When I just want to be quiet and think, I give a blank expression. Apparently to my friends, its a depress look...well, my friends are one of the reasons why I'm depress. They don't understand me, and I sometimes hate to call them my friends, but I have nobody else. That adds to my loneliness. I have real friends in other states, but they live too far. :'( I also don't feel like I fit in socially sometimes.





I also am depress, cause of my younger sis. Ok, you may call this jealousy, but I don't go around trying to get attention or trying to make people feel bad for me. Maybe that's the reason why she gets more attention, I kinda don't try sometimes. When I was in Japan with my younger sister, my mom's side like worshipped her cause she's so cute and adorable and so talkative, while I just sat back listening to my Ipod.[I love music so much, it lightens me up] What was worse was that when we visited my dad's side a week later, they worshipped her even more. Gah, its like a competition, but I don't tell people about this cause they might think I'm a jealous ***** or something. So my sister and my senseless relatives are also a reason why I feel sad, depress and lonely sometimes.





Another reason why I feel this way also is cause my grandma [that im super close with compared to my other relatives] is about to pass, she has cancer and is going downhill. Her mental state is going down and she is laying, basically in her death bed. I can't see her cause she's so far from me in Japan. So I'm really sad I might never see her, till I die. She might not make it in the next few days, which saddens me deeply.





Adding to my reason for my grandma about to go...my mom has been really depress about my grandma about to past, so she puts all her anger on me. She yells at me like 20 times a day, and one day, out of the blue, when I wanted a pair of skinny jeans, she kept saying how my legs are so fat to wear skinny jeans...ok fyi, im not even fat. But obviously that made me upset. I know she's going through a lot, about to lose her mother, but she's making me feel more depress as it is. My cousin who just came to visit thinks that my mom and dad don't like me, which hurts. I get yelled at for no reason sometimes, and I hide it all in, but sometimes when I'm alone, I let it all out, crying. But then I try to get over it.





One of the things I've been thinking about is love...even though I'm in high school, I still haven't found anybody yet. I really wanna find, the ';one and only'; [quote from my favorite Japanese band]. Well, I have a deep crush on my one of my favorite band members, but that means nothing, Lol, just normal teenager crush I guess. Idk, I want to find a guy, not my soulmate, just idk...its hard to explain. But that just makes me feel lonely, not sad and depress, but that's one of my minor reasons of feeling lonely, but that's not too important right now compared to the others. I'm NOT looking at the moment, or desperate. I just am thinking about my future, what if I'll be alone??? :'(





I guess I wrote this whole thing, just to let it out. But if any of you understand what I'm going through, and is willing to give some advice on how I should handle all this stress, and emotions, please, you are welcome to answer. The way I cope with all of this is that I just sit and be quiet, listening to music. I'm one of those people who think music is my life. Music sooths me when I'm under a lot of things. If you are gonna give me a hard time, and give me a rude answer, then don't even bother. You're wasting your time.





Thanks for your answers in advance :] Sorry that this thing was really long, I just had a ton to let out. There is more to this, but I don't remember at the moment.I feel really sad and lonely. So many things going in my mind...What should I do? [its a long rant, so yeah]?
Hi , Yuki. I am very glad that you become a fan of mine and am honoured to find a solution to your problem.





Yeah , you are right.Sometimes you might hate to call your friends -well,you know - '; friends ';.I thought that friendship was suppose to be fun, but after my best friend betrayed me, I was like I had no more hope to live.Finding a true friend is very hard.One day you a freind ';BFF';, the other day you realize you had waste your time on him/her.So,try to do your best on finding a good and true friend.





And about family.You don't have to feel sad or unlucky because somebody always yells to you about 20 times a day.Your family hurted you or scolded you, is just because they love you.Even if my sister or father killed me,I understand I did something wrong that had hurt their hearts.So you must learn from your mistakes.Take those yellings as a sentence: ';You are a family of mine, I hurt you because I love you';.





That is my solution.Thank you. (maplefantasy_samantha@yahoo.com)


Email me if you have any problems.I feel really sad and lonely. So many things going in my mind...What should I do? [its a long rant, so yeah]?
Aww, Seems like your going through a hard time. I hope you feel better soon,





For a start. You should sit down you mum, and actually show her what you just typed, instead of telling her.





I'm sorry to hear about your grandma, if she doesn't make it through this, don't bottle everything up. Talk to someone about how your feeling; maybe your school counselor





Talk to your friends, about this. they should understand.





Also if you still in high school, you shouldn't be looking for love just yet





Anyway, I hoped i helped :]





x
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Well, I can tell you this. Get to know Jesus Christ, confess your worries and troubles to him. Confess your sins, everything. He will remove these ';stresses'; from you and you will see a big change in your life. You will feel free from loneliness and depression.